I climbed into bed last night and effortlessly slid under the covers. No paws trying to drag my blankets into a comfy nest, no howls of playful antics. I re-fluffed my pillow a dozen times without fear of waking you which always set off a series of doggie sneezes. I awoke before sunrise and walked downstairs without the pitter patter of your feet following behind. As the sun came up I stepped out onto the deck and watch the squirrels jump from branch to branch without the usual barks which warned them not to come to close. I sat down to breakfast without the familiar sound of squeaky toys rustling around my feet.
I have never heard a silence quite so loud. Alone in my thoughts, thoughts of you. You came into my life 13 years ago as a young dog. You were such a beautiful little girl who clearly needed love and someone to rescue you. But back then you were also another mouth that needed feeding, another little being that needed to be cleaned up after and cared for. Over the years you grew into a best friend, a confidant who I shared my secrets and deepest thoughts with. You became a companion that rescued me from my loneliness and helped to silence the endless chatter in my head. You grew into my protector, my security. You became a part of me, one with whom I gladly shared my identity. You were an extension of me. When I closed my eyes, you fell asleep. When I heard a noise, you jumped to attention. When I breathed in, you breathed out.
I have danced this dance before and I know that no amount of grief or tears will change anything so I will shed my tears, feel my loss and then smile. Smile that I was so lucky to have one of the most amazing dogs as my friend. Although I can’t share my entire life with you I will forever be thankful that you shared yours with me. I will truly miss you little girl and I will forever treasure the memories and your silly ways. Your spirit was pure and I will hold you dear to my heart until me meet again.
It’s a smaller world and I’ll love it less.
For just under 14 years you've shared our lives and home and though many times you had the chance you never chose to roam. Your big brown eyes look up at me so full of love and trust that I would make the right choice if your pain became too much. You spent your life protecting me from all that would cause harm , I knew I must return your love as you laid there in my arms. My mind couldn't help but drift back to the days we both were younger and we looked at life with eager eyes and lived it with voracious hunger.
As I sit here now on the parlor floor with your head nestled soft on my lap those memories walk with gentle steps for this memory my friend will be your last. So I'll take the time to stroke your head and speak in gentle tones and tell you how much I love you as your breaths turn into moans.
Every night for endless years you would lay there on the floor just enjoying the companionship you never asked for more. As I would make my way to bed you were always close behind, loyalty like that my friend is very hard to find. The years crept up as they always do and sometimes it seems so unfair, now I sleep on the couch to comfort you as you can no longer climb the stairs.
The time is drawing closer and I know your day is here, so just as you have done for me, I'll do my best to calm your fears. So I ask you lord at this painful time to grant this prayer from me, for I have faith in all you do and I know you have your reasons and I thank you from my deepest soul that we shared so many seasons. So I'm handing you the leash now to gently ease his pain and though he won't be with me I'll love him just the same. Now I know that you see everything so this is nothing new but let me tell you anyway for it's just what mamas do.
He loves to have his tail scratched although it's really just a stub, and if you take the brush out he would stand there by the hour and he loves to take a tubbie but he hates those pesky showers. He can be a little pushy if you let him get his way but if you just stand firmly he'll surrender and obey.
Please take him lord and find a place where he can now run free for he has spent a lifetime just watching over me. And so my friend as you drift away let me tell you what awaits, you'll run for miles and miles no leash and no restraints, you'll roll in grass and dig up flowers and romp and play for hours and hours. You'll sleep on clouds so soft and warm and awake to the golden sun and each new day will bring to you the best of doggie fun. So close your eyes my special friend and trust in what I say, just watch for me on the other side and I'll see you again someday. I love you